final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize