Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
