The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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