Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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