We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
