Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
