I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Randomize
