I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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