isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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