Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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