Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is Oprah even human
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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