I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
