There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
