i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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