so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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