Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize