I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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