Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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