dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
