What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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