How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
