And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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