Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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