you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
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