Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
