I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
