It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
