You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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