I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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