Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
