I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
