I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
