sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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