Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
