I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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