The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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