does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
