When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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