Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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