the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
As shirtless as possible
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
