there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
