so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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