I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
