So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
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he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick has a subreddit
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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