I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
