I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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