I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize