apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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