She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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