Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.