Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
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my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
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I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.