First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..