So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.