I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.