He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?