Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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