I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize