im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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