we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Drunk is not a location!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
