Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
