During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
