3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
