she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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