party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
