The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
