Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
